Thoughts
Happy New Year! Here's to a better year in blogging. I'm trying to overcome my OCD nature of chronicling events but then I feel so overwhelmed by being behind that I don't even get started. And truthfully that isn't even the substantive part of my life. So here's to 'everyday' blogging, rather than 'stuff I think is cool that our family does' blogging. The biggest loss that I'm hoping to redeem myself on is talking about Sister. Oh man. I haven't recorded hardly anything about her cute little life. She's so different than K1. She's learned to talk and expand her vocabulary sooner, and she's much more socially conscientious (wanting to feed herself with utensils, brush her teeth, say prayers, basically just imitate us in general).
Anyhoo, now that readership is down to, well, me, I feel fine talking about what really goes on around here.
My thoughts on 2012. I'm glad it's over. That's sounds terrible, but it was a hard year for me. I think these law school years have just been hard for me. It's been hard to be the parent of two toddlers with not a ton of help. PC is supportive and he helps when he's here, but he's just not here that much. I've also had many internal struggles like my nature to be super organized and clean vs. letting my children be children and live a little. Or not having an adult meltdown when my house feels cluttered and it feels like no surface has been wiped down for at least two weeks. Basically me trying just loosen up. The habitual me says, I can't live this way and the rational me says, 'Yo lady, chill. Not a big deal'. The result ends up being a roller coaster of emotions.
Pregnancy. I will make one thing clear, we wanted this baby and this baby was planned (like my other kids) but I really REALLY don't like being pregnant. I've admitted that fact to almost no one. I hold a lot of guilt for thoughts like that one. Possibly because I know many people who can't biologically have their own children and so I feel like because I can easily have kids, I should love and appreciate the process. The fact remains that it is really hard on my emotional and physical well being. It's hard to be a cheerful, productive person when you feel tired and so many things hurt. Did I mention I'm only 23 weeks?...only halfway and the aches and pains and lack of sleep are only getting worse. I also really don't like the way I look, which I also realize I should just can it because I don't gain any weight anywhere else on my body but my belly, but I never feel beautiful when I'm pregnant. sigh. Just to cement how weird I am, I would say my favorite part of being pregnant is going into labor. I think contractions and having the baby are so cool and I've had both my kids naturally (I technically was given an epidural with Sister when I was a 9.5cm and I assure you, it did nothing because she was born 30 minutes later and I felt everything). All I know is that all my kids have "knocked on my brain" and I knew they were supposed come when they did, but unfortunately it does not make this process any easier.
PC. My husband is a trooper and I couldn't do what he does. But I'm also looking forward to when he's done with the bar and his poor, pooped mind can focus just on work matters and then come home and do what he wants. Because of this he is always tired and the zest that he had when we first met and got married has gradually waned. It's still there and manifests itself in fits and spurts, but is not interwoven into his personality like it used to be. I have every confidence that it will return when we both can get more sleep on a consistent basis, but neither of us could tell you when that would be.
K1. That kid. He can be hopelessly adorable and then the next moment hopelessly three in the worst sense. I do feel I'm making strides with him. It's a slow process. I feel so happy when he'll tell me his feelings rather than showing me. He's such a passionate kid, like his mother. When he's angry, he's really angry and wants to hurt and destroy and scream. I know he won't always be this way if I just keep working with him. It's long and hard, but it's so satisfying when he'll be in a potentially explosive situation and say "mom, I feeling so sad, or angry right now because {blank}" and then we can discuss options or outcomes rather than just putting out screaming fires. We're also working on sharing. It is such a hard concept for him. He's a hoarder. He'd rather have an armful of toys that no one can play with (and he can't play with because he's holding them) than share a couple and play with the individual. It's even harder to watch because Sister is willing to share and I don't want her imitating K1. There are lots of wonderful things about K1 as well. I love his love of books and talking about various characters in everyday life (curious george, the berenstein bears). I love seeing him congratulate himself for doing things himself. I really love it when he does it to me. "You did a great job, Mama!" He's also very good at being grateful and saying thank you. I'm grateful for that because parenting in a *mostly* thankless task.
Last the best, Sister. Where to begin?! She is so unbelievably cute. Just recently, probably in the past two weeks, she's started to give real hugs. The kind where she'll grab onto your neck and hold on tight. He old version of a hug was putting her head on your shoulder and you held her, but he new improved version is so wonderful. And the fact that she's inherited my need for many random hugs during the day. We both benefit. She's started to learn to hold still while I put her hair in pig tails or ponies, but we're still working on keeping them in. I'm trying to be vigilant about doing it everyday so that she just get's used to it. It helps that whatever I do to her, she wants to do to her beloved stuffed dog, coconut. In this case, if I do her hair, she'll take the comb to coconuts fur and then ask that I put elastics around his ears for makeshift pig tails. She's very thorough in terms of saying sorry. If she gets or anyone gets injured, she'll be the first to say (essentially)"Did you get a bonk? Sorry!" and then proceed to give a sweet kiss on whatever was injured. I really love seeing her do it do her doggie. She has such a sweet, loving nature. I really have needed her little spirit around. She can be plenty hard as well but for now, I'm relishing in all the cute stuff she does.
I think I better put a cork in it for tonight. When PC goes to bed before me, it's a sign I'm up too late. Ha! 2013, I'm ready for you and I'm ready for it to be a great year because I will it to be a great one.
Anyhoo, now that readership is down to, well, me, I feel fine talking about what really goes on around here.
My thoughts on 2012. I'm glad it's over. That's sounds terrible, but it was a hard year for me. I think these law school years have just been hard for me. It's been hard to be the parent of two toddlers with not a ton of help. PC is supportive and he helps when he's here, but he's just not here that much. I've also had many internal struggles like my nature to be super organized and clean vs. letting my children be children and live a little. Or not having an adult meltdown when my house feels cluttered and it feels like no surface has been wiped down for at least two weeks. Basically me trying just loosen up. The habitual me says, I can't live this way and the rational me says, 'Yo lady, chill. Not a big deal'. The result ends up being a roller coaster of emotions.
Pregnancy. I will make one thing clear, we wanted this baby and this baby was planned (like my other kids) but I really REALLY don't like being pregnant. I've admitted that fact to almost no one. I hold a lot of guilt for thoughts like that one. Possibly because I know many people who can't biologically have their own children and so I feel like because I can easily have kids, I should love and appreciate the process. The fact remains that it is really hard on my emotional and physical well being. It's hard to be a cheerful, productive person when you feel tired and so many things hurt. Did I mention I'm only 23 weeks?...only halfway and the aches and pains and lack of sleep are only getting worse. I also really don't like the way I look, which I also realize I should just can it because I don't gain any weight anywhere else on my body but my belly, but I never feel beautiful when I'm pregnant. sigh. Just to cement how weird I am, I would say my favorite part of being pregnant is going into labor. I think contractions and having the baby are so cool and I've had both my kids naturally (I technically was given an epidural with Sister when I was a 9.5cm and I assure you, it did nothing because she was born 30 minutes later and I felt everything). All I know is that all my kids have "knocked on my brain" and I knew they were supposed come when they did, but unfortunately it does not make this process any easier.
PC. My husband is a trooper and I couldn't do what he does. But I'm also looking forward to when he's done with the bar and his poor, pooped mind can focus just on work matters and then come home and do what he wants. Because of this he is always tired and the zest that he had when we first met and got married has gradually waned. It's still there and manifests itself in fits and spurts, but is not interwoven into his personality like it used to be. I have every confidence that it will return when we both can get more sleep on a consistent basis, but neither of us could tell you when that would be.
K1. That kid. He can be hopelessly adorable and then the next moment hopelessly three in the worst sense. I do feel I'm making strides with him. It's a slow process. I feel so happy when he'll tell me his feelings rather than showing me. He's such a passionate kid, like his mother. When he's angry, he's really angry and wants to hurt and destroy and scream. I know he won't always be this way if I just keep working with him. It's long and hard, but it's so satisfying when he'll be in a potentially explosive situation and say "mom, I feeling so sad, or angry right now because {blank}" and then we can discuss options or outcomes rather than just putting out screaming fires. We're also working on sharing. It is such a hard concept for him. He's a hoarder. He'd rather have an armful of toys that no one can play with (and he can't play with because he's holding them) than share a couple and play with the individual. It's even harder to watch because Sister is willing to share and I don't want her imitating K1. There are lots of wonderful things about K1 as well. I love his love of books and talking about various characters in everyday life (curious george, the berenstein bears). I love seeing him congratulate himself for doing things himself. I really love it when he does it to me. "You did a great job, Mama!" He's also very good at being grateful and saying thank you. I'm grateful for that because parenting in a *mostly* thankless task.
Last the best, Sister. Where to begin?! She is so unbelievably cute. Just recently, probably in the past two weeks, she's started to give real hugs. The kind where she'll grab onto your neck and hold on tight. He old version of a hug was putting her head on your shoulder and you held her, but he new improved version is so wonderful. And the fact that she's inherited my need for many random hugs during the day. We both benefit. She's started to learn to hold still while I put her hair in pig tails or ponies, but we're still working on keeping them in. I'm trying to be vigilant about doing it everyday so that she just get's used to it. It helps that whatever I do to her, she wants to do to her beloved stuffed dog, coconut. In this case, if I do her hair, she'll take the comb to coconuts fur and then ask that I put elastics around his ears for makeshift pig tails. She's very thorough in terms of saying sorry. If she gets or anyone gets injured, she'll be the first to say (essentially)"Did you get a bonk? Sorry!" and then proceed to give a sweet kiss on whatever was injured. I really love seeing her do it do her doggie. She has such a sweet, loving nature. I really have needed her little spirit around. She can be plenty hard as well but for now, I'm relishing in all the cute stuff she does.
I think I better put a cork in it for tonight. When PC goes to bed before me, it's a sign I'm up too late. Ha! 2013, I'm ready for you and I'm ready for it to be a great year because I will it to be a great one.
Comments
Sorry for the novel. All I mean to say is that I hear you. And I hope 2013 goes better for you. And I love you! I support you!